There's no freaking title to this post because there's no sense of my life.

My Jim says he's going to be leaving this weekend. No reason other than I brought up that he cut me off again.


We were supposed to be married. We were planning to move to Pa. I know he said that when things are coming to a close, he falls apart. I don't know what to do. I do all I can, but I can't deal with another relationship falling apart! I'm 48 years old, have been busting my ass all my life, have tried to make a life for myself. I just want someone to share my life with. I'm not perfect, who is? Jim is pissed because I stopped taking my Zoloft; how was I supposed to keep taking it when I was let go from my job? I don't want him paying for all that shit.


I wish I had the courage to commit suicide. I've been looking for ways...Why live? What is the reward? I've kept myself going for years; all I get is some fucked up man telling me what my faults are...all while not admitting that he is a supreme pain in the ass...


Can't take it anymore; 48 years old, worked my ass off to make a life, it all comes apart anyway. Waste of time.