I'ts nice out today. Sunny and 73. Welcome, Spring. Now only if human life didn't suck so much on a regular basis. Sitting here drinking a Dos Equis, being sick and tired of trying 'one more time', and getting slapped down again for a reward.
My dad will be dead and gone for a year April 25. I miss him so much. I don't keep in touch with my mom as often as I used to with him still around. Wonder why that is.
I gave love another shot, and I really thought that at 46, I'd finally found a true partner. Now he's changing, and not for the better. It took me many years to get to a place of balance in my life. To set boundaries, and to be at peace. He respected all that at first, but now, I know he's not feeling good about himself, and he takes it out on me. He doesn't respect my boundaries (hard-won, also); in fact he thinks that we should have no boundaries at all between us. That's not healthy, but he accuses me of putting up walls, when I am the one with healthy personal boundaries. I brought him into my house, but he has taken over, to the point where I feel like a guest in my own damn house! He is spreading out and spreading out here; crowding me out and crowding out all what I've worked so hard to do.
I am so weary of life. Just tired of the struggle and the fight. We lose in the end anyway! What humans have done to earth, the planet, and its natural inhabitants. We are not natural here. We were dropped here as an experiment by some alien race. Or kicked out by them, as a nasty parasite and not needed by them. Look what we're doing here!
Don't know how much more of this I can stand. I am so very, very weary of it all.
posted by Artemis at 1:42 PM
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